I was Today Years Old when I learned about Values.
It took a major depressive episode/midlife crisis in 2023, which got me into intensive outpatient therapy, where values were brought up in group almost casually. I remember thinking, why wasn’t this taught in grade school (along with financial planning)? Mind = Blown.
To define values is to decide what is important to you in life. They become your guiding principles. Once your values are articulated, you can make goals and decisions based on them, and your path becomes blessedly narrower.
Unbeknownst to me I have been operating in ways that aligned with old values (based on ego). In my early 20’s it was most important to me to be important (famous!), so I put my energy into being an actor (without doing the real prep work involved lol.) As I got older what I REALLY wanted changed - children, financial stability, balance - but I was still living in the chaos of bouncing from theater project to theater project, driven by an outdated need. I had no awareness that this value had dropped down on my list.
We need to be aware of what we value, and when those values shift, so our actions can match our insides. We need to prioritize some values over others, so that we know what we want to work harder for.
Going deeper - could ‘being important’ be slightly adjusted to ‘being seen’, with goals a bit less intense than fame? Maybe ‘being seen’ is showing up to work and being supportive of co-workers. Maybe it’s writing something and sharing it. Maybe it’s singing to your toddler. We also need to get to the heart of what we value in our values, and for the best chance at happiness, choose values that are coming from non-egoic places.
So join me! I’m focusing on my current top three values - focusing on less than 5 is suggested by James Clear, and he has a handy values list HERE. Mine are 1. Spiritual/mental health, 2. Relationships, 3. Taking care of my family. Since articulating these for the last year, my life looks different. I’ve set realistic goals in these areas, and now have (to name a few things) a morning mindfulness practice, new and meaningful friendships (and it’s not easy to make new friends in your 40’s), and a new job with a healthy work/life balance. I’m just getting started, but feel confident that values can be a roadmap to life.